Post what happened. Redact everything else.

Recruiter: 'We move fast.' Also recruiter: 4 weeks of silence after round 5.

ATS rejected me in 11 seconds. My résumé didn't even finish uploading.

Take-home: 'Should take 3-4 hours.' Reality: 14 hours, 2 unit test frameworks, and a Docker compose file.

Told me I was 'overqualified' then reposted the role with a lower band the same afternoon.

AI screener asked me to smile more. I'm applying to a backend infra role.

Round 6 was with the CEO's dog walker. I don't know what to make of this industry anymore.

Got 'strong hire' feedback verbally, then rejection email 20 minutes later. Culture.

HR asked for my last 3 payslips before the first tech round. Politely declined. Politely ghosted.

Job listed 'competitive comp'. Recruiter's opener: 'Our max is 40% below your current.'

'We're a family' translated: unpaid on-call and no PTO approval in Q4.

System design round with a PM who kept saying 'blockchain but for CRUD'.

Recruiter ghosted me. Then messaged 4 months later: 'Still open to chatting?' No.

Take-home graded by an intern who left a comment: 'idk this looks fine i guess'.

5-round loop for a 6-month contract with no extension. I'm the problem for showing up.

Auto-rejection at 2:47 AM. Bro even the bots are on-call.

'Culture fit' round = 45 minutes of the hiring manager talking about their marathon.

Job description had 11 'must haves'. Recruiter admitted 7 were 'aspirational'.

Was told 'you'll hear back by Friday' on 6 separate Fridays now.

Video interview platform kept flagging me for 'suspicious eye movement'. I have eyes.

Reference check happened AFTER the offer was rescinded. Efficient.

'We need someone senior enough to mentor but junior enough to still write tickets.'

Panel of 6. Two didn't turn on cameras. One was clearly on another call.

Rejected because 'you asked too many questions about scope'. Yes. That was the interview.

Offer letter had the wrong name, wrong title, wrong start date. Signed anyway. I'm tired.

Recruiter: 'This role is remote.' Contract: 'On-site 4 days, hybrid Thursdays, mandatory offsite quarterly.'

Take-home asked me to redesign their entire billing system. For free. In 48 hours.

'We value work-life balance' — sent from Slack at 11:47 PM on a Saturday.

Applied at 9:02 AM. Rejected at 9:04 AM. Personalised email said 'after careful review'.

The 'quick 15-min chat' was a 90-minute behavioural interview with a scorecard.

Coding round on a whiteboard tool from 2011 that crashed every 4 minutes.

Offer expired in 24 hours 'to see how serious you are'. Serious about what, exactly.

LinkedIn: 12 mutual connections. Recruiter: 'We don't know anyone in common, unfortunately.'

Referred by 3 people. Still auto-rejected. The ATS eats its own.

Was asked to 'walk through the résumé' four times across four rounds. It's the same résumé.

Recruiter said the role was 'urgent'. It's been on the board for 8 months.

Final round with the founder. He fell asleep on camera. I got the rejection anyway.

'We prefer candidates who are excited about our mission.' The mission was ad-tech retargeting.

Panel asked if I'd take a pay cut 'for the equity'. Equity was 0.001% at Series D.

AI cover letter reviewer told me my letter was 'too personal'. It was 4 sentences.

Rejected because 'you seem like you'd want the manager's job in a year'. I'm applying for the manager role.

Loop feedback: 'Great candidate. Not a fit right now.' Reposted the role at a lower band the next day.

'Culture add' round with 8 people. Nobody knew what team the role sat on.

Was told to expect a decision 'end of week'. It's been 6 end-of-weeks.

Sent a polite follow-up. Got the auto-reject 4 minutes later. Some things are triggers, apparently.

Recruiter forwarded me the wrong job description. Interviewed for it anyway. Got the offer. Different role.

'Please do not use AI to prepare.' Then their interviewer clearly read questions off ChatGPT.

Take-home evaluation rubric leaked in the shared drive. 'Passion' was worth more points than 'correctness'.

Rejected for 'lacking leadership signal'. I led the last two rounds because the interviewer didn't prepare.

Offer negotiation call became a lecture about how 'money isn't everything at this stage'. It's a Series C.

Applied to 214 roles this quarter. 3 replies. 1 was a scam. I'm doing great, thanks for asking.